Can We Encourage Others—Can We Pray? (#BestOf)

(the Best of) A Year of Being Kind, Thursday, March 1, 2018

Saturday, March 3^rd is the World Day of Prayer. I am presenting on prayer to a local denominational Christian conference here in a nearby suburb of Chicago, presenting to the Ecumenical Kerala Churches. I am excited about this possibility to lead and teach about prayer! I’ve been interested in and active in prayer for a number of years. I hope I am always helpful and encouraging, whether it’s one-on-one (as in this post), or teaching a group of people. Lord, truly!

A Year of Being Kind blog – Sunday, March 2, 2014

Can We Encourage Others—Can We Pray?

As I brushed off the car this morning, I groaned. Internally, I mean. Will this snow and wintry weather ever stop? I drove to church down the half-deserted streets. Despite my grumbling about the cold and the snow, I grudgingly had to admit that the glistening white coating of snow did help. It helped the trees and grass to shine as the sun peeped through the clouds. Such a sight helped raise my spirits, too.

True, I did dash into church late. Late for choir practice, due to a minor waffle iron malfunction this morning. My son had a friend sleep over. I made waffles in a hurry before I left, but the first waffle stuck in the (older) waffle iron. I couldn’t very well run off and leave the waffle iron full of half-burnt pieces of waffle, so I did scrape and clean it off. (sigh)

I enjoy singing in choir! I like singing, period. Especially singing in parts. The morning service went well, too. I really worshiped, most of the time. (It’s a challenge to keep my mind on worship at all times, to tell the truth. I suspect most people would acknowledge that. At least, part of the time.) Since this is the first Sunday of the month, our church celebrated Communion. That was good, too.

Benediction said, church service over, congregation dismissed, sanctuary cleared. I went downstairs with the other parishioners to the memorial room (under the sanctuary). But—another worshiper caught me before I entered the large room. “Do you have a minute?” Sure, I nodded. “How do I get a prayer request in the prayer chain?” was the follow-up question.

Instantly, my chaplain antennae started to vibrate. “You came to the right place. I keep track of the requests and email out the weekly prayer list.” All of which are true. But I still had this intense feeling that something was going on with my fellow church member.  The two of us stepped into a little out-of-the-way area, and I asked for more information about the prayer request. It turned out, there were two requests. I wrote down both of the requests on a scrap of paper I had in my pocket. I used active listening. I pitched my voice to be soft and gentle. And—I used my less-anxious presence to help my fellow church member feel more calm and relieved.

After I wrote down specifics on the person we were praying for, I continued to listen closely to what the fellow parishioner was saying. I was moved to relate a couple of my views and spiritual insights concerning suffering, pain and death. And afterwards, we both teared up, and almost cried. I felt that my presence was appreciated! Not only by my fellow church member, but by many at worship today. But specifically, the situation regarding the prayer request after service? That’s my act of kindness today.  I am so glad I was at the right place, at the right time. Or—perhaps I was in the place God intended me to be today.  Regardless, I wonder what God will send my way tomorrow?

@chaplaineliza

Like what you read? Disagree? Share your thoughts with your loved ones and continue the conversation.

(Suggestion: visit me at my blog: matterofprayer: A Year of Everyday Prayers– where I am doing a meditation journey through Lent and beyond. #PursuePEACE. Pursuing Peace – Thanks!) (also published at ayearofbeingkind.wordpress.com .   @chaplaineliza And read my sermons   from Pastor, Preacher Pray-er – Thanks!)

Being Kind at a Potluck! (#BestOf)

(the Best of) A Year of Being Kind, Saturday, September 2, 2017

Looking back at this post from three years ago, I am amazed and humbled at the excellent advice I received from a fellow pastor friend of mine. He was so right: let the congregation know I love them. (And, I do! I did, and I still do.) I always try to listen with attentive, intelligent, compassionate ears. And, I truly do care. Great advice, and still applicable. Dear God, help me always to be kind and loving to the congregation where You have led me to serve.

Posted on September 8, 2014 by chaplaineliza

A Year of Being Kind blog – Sunday, September 7, 2014

Being Kind at a Potluck!

What an enjoyable day! What a wonderful worship service! And, what a great celebration afterwards, at the hot dog roast and potluck dinner!

The day began with me getting to church early. I needed to email and print off the intercessory prayer project sheets. (Several people in our congregation do not have email.) My good friend and former co-worker Pastor Gordon came to St. Luke’s Church today to help me out with the celebration of communion. So, we had a wonderful service! Gordon’s sermon on prayer was excellent—sort of an encapsulation of several sermons I had preached in the past few weeks. And, just what the church needed to kick off the Prayer Project, an intercessory prayer ministry here at St. Luke’s.

I’ll say one thing about our church—they sure can serve up a fine potluck! Delicious food, and so much of it. I am so appreciative of our church members.

I tried to mingle with several different tables this afternoon. Eating first at one, and then another, and last, sitting at a third table. Almost like having separate courses.

The being-kind-part came in with me doing my best to listen. Listen to what the separate individuals were saying, The conversations they had amongst themselves, the responses to questions I asked, even observing the interactions of others from across the fellowship hall.

I am still not quite used to being a pastor. I feel rather surprised, still, at the congregation allowing me to go first in the potluck line. (I solved that one by stopping in my office for a few minutes to divest myself of my robe and the cordless microphone. Necessary things to do!) Pastor Gordon and his wife already had their food, and were seated. I’m grateful that Gordon was available to say a short grace before we started to eat!

Still, I remember some worthwhile advice I received from a pastor friend: “Love the congregation. Let them know you love them. Make that your top priority and primary aim for your first year of ministry.” (Excellent suggestion, may I add!) I want to let the congregation know I am there to listen. That’s one of the high priorities for me, one of the best ways I can possibly let these dear friends know I love them. Plus, I want to be able to internalize and process what I’ve heard. And then, I can ask intelligent follow-up questions, and have solid, worthwhile interactions. These facets of listening are just so important. And, an equally important way to show individuals in the congregation that I truly do care about them. I truly do love them.

Another marvelous byproduct? When I show love to others, I display God’s love, too. I pray that many may see, know, and understand that God loves them, through my speech and actions.

@chaplaineliza

Like what you read? Disagree? Share your thoughts with your loved ones and continue the conversation.

(Suggestion: visit me at my blog: matterofprayer: A Year of Everyday Prayers– where I am doing a meditation journey through Easter and beyond. #PursuePEACE. Pursuing Peace – Thanks!)

(also published at ayearofbeingkind.wordpress.com .   @chaplaineliza And read my sermons   from Pastor, Preacher Pray-er – Thanks!)

(the Best of) Kindness through Connection (As in People)

(the Best of) A Year of Being Kind, Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Today is Ash Wednesday. But I’m not going to concentrate on ashes in my post. Instead, I’m going back to a situation where I was not simply kind (as in, ‘nice’), but I may have helped out in a material way. I hope so. I pray so.

A Year of Being Kind blog – Saturday, February 15, 2014

 

friends drinking coffee
credit – courtesy of the BBC

Kindness through Connection (As in People)

Some days ago, I happened to run into a friend of mine. I hadn’t seen this friend for a number of months, and was very happy to reconnect with him. Someone was with him, someone I had never met before. I smiled my friendly smile and stepped towards this second man. He seemed a bit hesitant and taken aback, almost as if he was unsure exactly why I’d even smile at him. My chaplain antennae started twitching. I detected something, some way of being that concerned me. I softened my voice and manner and started talking to him and our mutual friend, both together.

After seating ourselves and after initial uncertainty, my new friend opened up. He and I made an instant connection, too. He told me he had been out of work for a number of months. As the months began to pile up, he became more and more discouraged. I recognized the plight and problem of the long-term unemployed: employers hesitating even to consider people who have been unemployed for a long period of time. This wasn’t under-employment, but instead unemployment, pure and simple. Feelings of uselessness, self-pity, anger, despair, depression. (Sadly, I could relate, since I have gone through similar times in my own life and experience.)

This sort of thing does not happen to me all the time, or even most of the time. But making an instant connection does happen sometimes. And when I get the feeling, the urge to talk with someone, I usually listen to that urge. And, I listen to the person, too. As I was taught, I try to journey with the person for a little while. And, I try to actively listen to the story the person brings to me, too.

After I found out what my new friend had been doing before he was “downsized,” I realized I was acquainted with an older man who had worked for decades in the same industry before his retirement. Accordingly, I told my new friend. It was marvelous to see him perk up and tentatively begin to blossom. He asked me whether I could give the retired fellow his name and number. “Certainly!” I again smiled my friendly smile at him. I cautioned that I might not see this retired man for a number of days. My new friend said that would be okay—he had been unemployed for so long, a few more days (give or take) wouldn’t matter.

So, I ran into the retired man yesterday. He was interested in the story of my new friend’s long-term unemployment, and readily gave me his telephone number. However, he cautioned, my new friend needed to call him. (Excellent strategy—make the unemployed man need to do something.)

I called my new friend today. I gave him the cell phone number, and boy, was he grateful!  For him, this phone number was a lifeline, a connection with an industry that had been holding him at arm’s length for months. He said thank you to me, several times.

All because I made a connection, introducing two people who otherwise might never have met. What a way to be kind. What an opportunity to show caring and encouragement, in God’s name.

@chaplaineliza

(Suggestion: visit me at my daily blog for 2015: matterofprayer: A Year of Everyday Prayers. Thanks!)

Opportunity for Kindness? Listen!

A Year of Being Kind blog – Saturday, June 28, 2014

Opportunity for Kindness? Listen!

I know I’ve spoken about my active listening skills in this space, previously. I’ve even joked a bit about being a “professional listener.” That’s what sometimes happens when a person is in my profession. First, as a chaplain. Now, as a pastor. (My therapist and I have talked about it, at length, and it’s happened often to us both. We’ve talked about it, several times. As have a chaplain friend and I.)

People don’t even need to know what I do for a living. They simply come up to me and start talking. It’s true! I am not even joking.

Today was a great example. I volunteered to take a good friend to the airport, early in the morning. On the way back, I decided to go straight to the YMCA. After a thorough workout, I was leisurely getting dressed in the locker room. Sure enough, a woman—a little younger than I was—started to talking to me, almost non-stop. Lovely woman, wearing such a pretty blouse. I had never met her before, and she and I had not even exchanged names. Yet—this woman soon was telling me some intimate details of her life and the lives of several of her loved ones. And—it didn’t stop there.

Two more people just came up to me later in the morning, and started pouring out their lives to me, too. I handled this with some aplomb, as well as personal kindness and interest. Yes, people do periodically come up to me, and tell me lots of things. And—this is the important part—the three people today? I do not believe anyone had let them know about my profession before these chance meetings. And all three of these new people? I hope that I helped them.

I didn’t even need to open my mouth: that’s how ready to share these three individuals were. And me? I realized that a priinted conversation was also a way to display the verse for June, too: “In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16 )

Again, I didn’t do a thing. God, thanks for making each of us in such a unique way. Yet, You provide for each of us to have that safety valve, that way of talking to God (vertically) and to other human beings (horizontally). And especially, thank God for giving us Yourself, offering Yourself in such a selfless, loving way. Such an example for everyone!

Thanks again, God. Appreciate it.

@chaplaineliza

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Of Being Kind and Keeping Quiet!

A Year of Being Kind blog – Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Of Being Kind and Keeping Quiet!

Ever get the feeling that you said too much? That you should have kept your mouth shut? That you would have been much better served if you had said nothing at all?

I got that message today, several times. Loud and clear!

First, as I met with a colleague, we had a regular, periodic meeting where we updated each other on the state of the workplace, the people we work with, and any coming events both of us need to be aware of. As we talked, I asked my colleague (an older and wiser person!) for some advice. And, I got some! Ears open, listen hard, and keep quiet! (It could very well have been “Be wise as serpents and innocent as doves,” but my co-worker did not say that. Not today, at least.)

Wise words. I listened to them, filed them away, and thanked my co-worker!

Again, later in the day, I ran into a friend of mine. We talked about a number of things. Lo and behold, I got the same (unsolicited) advice from my friend. Slightly puzzled, but still very much open to the advice, I considered what had been mentioned to me. Hmm.

After dinner, I went to a get-together. A group of friends and acquaintances met tonight near downtown. I greeted a good number of people I knew tonight. Including one person who told an interesting anecdote. She had taken a cab today, downtown. A work associate was in the cab with her. She was amazed to observe her associate tell the cabbie exactly how to drive. With great precision. Exactitude. And demanded that the cabbie comply.

As she watched the drama unfolding beside her, my friend felt something—inside of her—was the matter. Bubbling over. She didn’t know quite what it was, so she prayed. Asking God to help her calm down and stay in the moment. Not get all bent out of shape. She realized she was getting upset at how ridiculous her fellow rider was being. It was a victory for her (yay!). Previously, even a few years ago, she would have wanted to tell her associate exactly how ridiculous she thought their words and actions were! But now, it just stayed a want, a desire. Nothing came out of her mouth! Nothing that she might have wanted to take back. (Thank God!)

God, that’s three times today that You brought communication to my attention. Or rather, lack of communication. (I know, I know. “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”) As I said before, these are wise words! God, please help me to listen, and follow them. Help me to be an active listener AND a responsive, caring person. One who doesn’t let her mouth flap in the wind. Wise words, indeed!

@chaplaineliza

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(also published at ayearofbeingkind.wordpress.com Shortlink:

Scattered, but Still Trying to Be Kind

A Year of Being Kind blog – Thursday, April 10, 2014

Scattered, but Still Trying to Be Kind

God, so much to do, so many things to remember. I think I remembered just about everything. Except my power cord for my cell phone. But that’s okay.

Among other activities I did, I happened to meet with a new friend today. We talked about a number of things. And, I did one of the things I happen to do reasonably well: I listened. Active listening (again!). Again and again, I’ve found myself in recent situations where I fall back on one of my strong suits. And listen I do.

I had another meeting today, which was great. A good deal of information was passed to and fro, and I feel really positive about it. Isn’t it wonderful when something happens that you know—intuitively—was deep down good? That’s how I feel today. Good! Positive! Satisfied.

This reminds me of the verse that I chose for the month of April: Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” Here in this verse, the Apostle talks about working with all my heart. Not half-hearted. With enthusiasm! Positive! Satisfied! Encouraging, too.

I know I sometimes think about what other people are going to say. I suppose that’s natural. However, I need to redirect my focus. Take my focus off others and place it on the Lord. I suppose I need to remind myself that God is my Boss, my Manager. And with God in the highest supervisory position/role, I can relax. God is not going to be dictatorial, or arbitrary, or downright mean to me! (And believe me, I have had bosses who have been all that, and more!)

Yes, today held a great deal of work, but there was some fun in there, too. I hope and pray I was an encouragement for the people I met.

Gee, I wonder what tomorrow will bring? God, hurry up and show me! I can hardly wait.

@chaplaineliza

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How Can I Be Kind? Be Present for Others!

A Year of Being Kind blog – Saturday, March 8, 2014

Saturday morning – Monmouth College Fall retreat, 2005 – Painting Prayers

How Can I Be Kind? Be Present for Others!

My family took a trip today to Michigan and back. Not particularly a nice day for travel, but we had a luncheon appointment planned for this particular day. We went to a fine restaurant in a small town in Michigan and met two older relatives for lunch. Comfortable eating place, wonderful view, excellent company. I think I can safely speak for us all if I say a fine time was had by all of us.

One of the relatives has done a good bit of (lay) work for the church, for a number of decades. I had the opportunity to seriously listen to him and glean some wisdom from him and his vast experience. What an opportunity! I was very glad I could do that. I could see that he felt good, sharing his expertise. And I? I was listening with both ears open—and pen in hand—taking down all the information I could.

On the way back to Chicago this afternoon, I reflected upon the serious discussion the two of us had over the coffee cups, after lunch. Since I’ve worked as a chaplain for most of the past ten years, I could say that I am also a professional-listener. I listen to people with several aural filters: first, spiritual. Since I often act as a chaplain, I have a primary focus on people’s spiritual orientation (and I don’t mean “religious!” but instead, spiritual, internal focus). Second, emotional. I am naturally intuitive and a feeling/perceptive person, so I can actively listen to individuals and their feeling/emotional orientation.

So, I used my active listening skills at lunch today. (It was automatic—they just sort-of switched on. I found myself in the middle of this significant conversation, and I felt my internal, active listening just being there. Fully operational.) Meanwhile, something was going on under the surface inside of my head while I was cogitating on this conversation. I also reflected on something I recently heard at a gathering of friends. A new acquaintance was speaking. She said quite a number of excellent things. However, what was the most significant thing I thought she said? The most important thing she could do for people besides showing up for them was being fully present with them. I truly appreciated that, and took that thought home with me. The zinger for me? I somehow connected the two trains of thought.

I guess I could say that I was fully present with my older relative today. I listened attentively to him after lunch, with appreciation for his wisdom and expertise. I guess I could also say I took the opportunity to be kind today. Actually, the act of service was a two-way gift this afternoon—both for my relative and for me. I think it is just superb how God sovereignly acts in disparate situations and ties them together in my mind—like at lunch today, and in my remembrance of this recent conversation. Awesome job, God! Thanks so much!

@chaplaineliza

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Showing Love? Listen! Encourage!

A Year of Being Kind blog – Sunday, February 16, 2014

Showing Love? Listen! Encourage!

I met someone new today. Nothing out of the ordinary. What I did and how I acted after I met her was.

Today was the typical weekend day, not terribly busy, but with enough to do to keep me occupied. Church, errands, going with my daughter to a store.  I happened to meet two other women (one I knew), and a third came up to us a minute or two later. So there we were. The woman I hadn’t met before had just begun a detailed explanation of a difficulty she had. It was an intricate problem, and the three of us stood there, listening. Fascinated.

I could see how my new friend got animated, just by sharing her difficulty. Puzzling, and problematic, too. The other three women (me and my two friends) encouraged her. We were a receptive audience, nodding and letting her know we followed the many-layered story.  She apologized several times for bending our ears, but we reassured her that it was all right.

As I listened, I felt myself accessing my chaplainly skills. Something reminded me of situations with people in a chaplain situation. I knew I wasn’t in that particular, official role for that woman, but I could feel my active listening skills coming into play. I knew the ministry of presence was surrounding us, too. I could sense those spiritual tools right there inside me—ready, set, go!

I’m reminded of a passage of Scripture, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4: “the God of all consolation, who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God.” I saw the principle expressed in this verse shown by example today. As the four of us stood there, listening and talking, we had in common the consolation of God. Even as my new friend was afflicted by a serious, intricate, ongoing difficulty, all of us were able to share the consolation with which God has consoled each of us.

As my new friend finished relating her difficult story, I stepped closer to her. She took a deep breath and smiled at me with some relief. “I hadn’t realized how much I was holding inside.” She felt so much lighter after unburdening herself. I returned her smile and told her I was coordinator for an intercessory prayer ministry at my church. I asked whether we might pray for her, but she was hesitant to accept prayer—at first. I assured her that the prayer ministry would be happy to pray for her for four weeks, for her encouragement and comfort. That struck a chord. She nodded with gratitude, and thanked me. Then she apologized again, but had to leave. Her whole air and attitude seemed lighter as we said good bye.

I said only a few words to my new friend, but I listened, and encouraged her.  And, we all shared in God’s consolation. Thank God we can be there, for one another. I’m thankful God is there for me, too.

@chaplaineliza

Kindness through Connection (As in People)

A Year of Being Kind blog – Saturday, February 15, 2014

friends drinking coffee – painting courtesy of the BBC

Kindness through Connection (As in People)

Some days ago, I happened to run into a friend of mine. I hadn’t seen this friend for a number of months, and was very happy to reconnect with him. Someone was with him, someone I had never met before. I smiled my friendly smile and stepped towards this second man. He seemed a bit hesitant and taken aback, almost as if he was unsure exactly why I’d even smile at him. My chaplain antennae started twitching. I detected something, some way of being that concerned me. I softened my voice and manner and started talking to him and our mutual friend, both together.

After seating ourselves and after initial uncertainty, my new friend opened up. He and I made an instant connection, too. He told me he had been out of work for a number of months. As the months began to pile up, he became more and more discouraged. I recognized the plight and problem of the long-term unemployed: employers hesitating even to consider people who have been unemployed for a long period of time. This wasn’t under-employment, but instead unemployment, pure and simple. Feelings of uselessness, self-pity, anger, despair, depression. (Sadly, I could relate, since I have gone through similar times in my own life and experience.)

This sort of thing does not happen to me all the time, or even most of the time. But making an instant connection does happen sometimes. And when I get the feeling, the urge to talk with someone, I usually listen to that urge. And, I listen to the person, too. As I was taught, I try to journey with the person for a little while. And, I try to actively listen to the story the person brings to me, too.

After I found out what my new friend had been doing before he was “downsized,” I realized I was acquainted with an older man who had worked for decades in the same industry before his retirement. Accordingly, I told my new friend. It was marvelous to see him perk up and tentatively begin to blossom. He asked me whether I could give the retired fellow his name and number. “Certainly!” I again smiled my friendly smile at him. I cautioned that I might not see this retired man for a number of days. My new friend said that would be okay—he had been unemployed for so long, a few more days (give or take) wouldn’t matter.

So, I ran into the retired man yesterday. He was interested in the story of my new friend’s long-term unemployment, and readily gave me his telephone number. However, he cautioned, my new friend needed to call him. (Excellent strategy—make the unemployed man need to do something.)

I called my new friend today. I gave him the cell phone number, and boy, was he grateful!  For him, this phone number was a lifeline, a connection with an industry that had been holding him at arm’s length for months. He said thank you to me, several times.

All because I made a connection, introducing two people who otherwise might never have met. What a way to be kind. What an opportunity to show caring and encouragement.

@chaplaineliza